Bun Without an Oven

Our hearts are heavy today. About a month after our second potential match was presented we received the disappointing news that again, a gestational carrier candidate was declined by our clinic.

On Wed 17. May 2024 at 20:15, our agency wrote:

Hi Kate and Jan,

I am reaching out even though I believe you already heard to share that unfortunately the candidate we were considering for you was denied by the clinic. I know this is not what we were hoping for, but we will continue to work on finding you a great candidate and will let you know as soon as we have identified a new potential candidate for you.

Let me know if you have any questions and we will be back in touch hopefully soon with good news!

    Respectfully,

We didn’t get much of an explanation when the first candidate was declined, with our clinic citing HIPAA as why they couldn’t tell us anything as to why they came to that decision. This was I think also fine for us to accept because we thought we only had bad luck the first time, but SURELY this second candidate would be accepted. That was at least the expectation that was set by our agency.

This time feels different, and both Jan and I need more information as to why she would be declined. Since we know literally nothing about this candidate, HIPPA isn’t a concern and our clinic was able to provide at least more context.

On Tues 14. May 2024 at 14:51, our clinic wrote:

Hi Kate and Jan,

Thank you for your email.  I have followed up with Abbygale at Creative Family Connections with our review and our recommendation.  I apologize in the time we took to review the records, I just wanted to review the history in detail with our team at HCRM.  

Due to HIPAA reasons, I do not believe I can go into detail about the review; however, there were some concerns in the candidate’s medical history that I thought would not be optimal for her to serve as a gestational carrier.  Serving as a gestational carrier is considered high risk in itself, therefore we would recommend for agency gestational carriers to be in optimal health before moving forward.

I know that the search can be very frustrating and you have been waiting to be matched with a good candidate for several months.  I’m sure Creative Family Connections will find a suitable match for you, however, if you need additional assistance, please let me know.  Thanks again.

On Thurs 16. May 2024 at 20:57, I wrote:

Hi there, 

Thank you for letting us know. We understand due to HIPAA you can’t disclose exact reasons, but is our agency aware of any show-stoppers from HCRM that would automatically disqualify a candidate? To help them with their search criteria? I ask because one criteria for match candidates submitted by our agency is that they are already approved to be gestational carriers by their own OBGYN. That’s what is kind of hard to wrap our heads around. We of course trust your judgment and know you’re acting in our best interest, so if there’s a way we can facilitate more transparency with our agency that would be much appreciated. 

Thank you for the offer for additional assistance. We are speaking with our agency tomorrow and will come back to you. 

All the best, 

Kate & Jan

On Thurs 16. May 2024 at 21:04, our clinic wrote:

Hi Kate and Jan,

Thanks so much for your reply.  I completely understand your thoughts.  One thing that I believe I can share is that it’s possible that the physician who signed off on the gestational carrier candidate’s medical history and physical did not have all of her previous OB records for review.  We were fortunate enough to have her medical records for all of the pregnancies for review.  The physician’s office also noted that they were completing the assessment based on the patient’s intake and what information they had from her previous annual in 2023. 

I appreciate your understanding and I have communicated with your agency that if there is anything that we can do to assist with the search, we certainly can help as much as we can.  Please let me know if you have any additional questions.  Thank you!

Honestly, right now we just feel frustrated. This process is designed to work the way that it does. Of course, our agency doesn’t have access to the medical data of their GC candidates. This means they have to rely initially on the information provided by anyone applying to be a carrier with them. The accuracy of this information can really only be confirmed by our clinic, who does have full access to her medical records.

In our hearts, we know that both our agency and clinic have our best interests at heart… but right now, we’re full of frustration. But who do we aim our frustration at?

Is our clinic being too conservative and picky?

Is our agency even finding the “high-quality” carriers that they promised when we signed on with them?

Who is falling short here?

I guess we just have to let go and let be. Continue to wait and remember that our embryos are precious. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. That doesn’t make it any fucking easier though 🙂