Bun Without an Oven

I cannot believe it is March. Our potential match, who we’ve been referring to as “Wisconsin” has been under review with our clinic for 7 weeks now. I’m not going to lie. It’s been fucking hard. This review was supposed to take 3-4 weeks and it’s been double that time. Finally, after having to be that annoying person, sending daily emails until we get an answer, we received the disappointing news that Wisconsin has not been approved. We don’t know why exactly. Due to HIPPA, our clinic doesn’t want to tell us much.

On March 5, 2024, at 23:01, our clinic wrote:

Hi Kate,

I just wanted to follow-up with my previous email.  I consulted with your OB and she does not recommend to move forward with the gestational carrier match from Creative Family Connections.  Unfortunately, there are multiple items in her medical history that would put her at increased risk for a high risk pregnancy.  I’m sorry to provide this news as well as the length of the time to review these items.  We hope to expedite the process with the next match.

I’ll follow-up with your agency regarding our review.  Hopefully they will be able to provide another match for you soon.

I just wanted to provide additional resources for gestational carrier matching services that may be helpful:

We have had another couple utilize IARC, which is an international gestational carrier agency that works with intended parents from over 20 different countries: https://iarcsurrogacy.com

Our physicians have also recommended Nodal Surrogacy, which is a gestational carrier matching agency that was created by physicians: https://www.nodal.com.

Please let me know if you have any questions.  Thank you.

We checked these additional sources, they seem like solid options so for anyone looking. We didn’t pursue these two resources because IARC is another agency like the one we already have and Nodal doesn’t work with couples who aren’t residents of the United States. 

We’ve spoken to our agency, who were also notified by our clinic of their decision. They’re also disappointed for us but assure us our person is out there. They are getting many new applicants each month, they’ll share a social media post they prepared promoting us as a couple and we are at the top of the list. They’ll let us know of the next person who fits our profile. Hopefully soon. We’re definitely bummed, but it is what it is. 

What we’ve learned here: we really can’t be afraid to advocate for ourselves. This is advice I’d give anyone else in similar shoes. Don’t stress about “being annoying” and sending to many emails or reaching out too often. You’re the paying customer, you are in the driver’s seat. Not getting an answer fast enough? Send the email. This is your process, your life. These clinics and agencies know that and are more than accommodating. Be polite and persistent – that’s the method we’re taking moving forward and it’s helping us feel more in control and have confidence that we know and understand the status of our journey at all times. Not that our agency/clinic aren’t working diligently, but especially if you’re going through this process virtually/internationally and can’t have meetings in person, it’s easy to feel like you have less visibility. Both our agency and clinic offer to be contacted whenever we need something, and now we really take them up on that.